denial
by suisho-foxeyes
Summary: Hanamichi is now graduating but still hasn't accepted his feeling for Rukawa yet will he be able to accept it before it's too late and will he be able to tell Rukawa? HANARU


Disclaimer: Ok so now I admit that I don't own Slam Dunk I'm just borrowing them. Nononono I take that back I do own Slam Dunk bwahahahahahaha. Pls. don't sue just borrowing.  
  
Author's notes: Hi minna. Hisashiburidesu. How's life? I finally have time again to write fanfics. Test days are over WHOHOOOOO!!!! I don't know if you'll like this story but give it a try ok. Oh yeah about my other fic In An Instant maybe it'll take a long time before I update again. Currently I'm sick. I don't know if this is just allergies or German measles. The doctor even gave 1-week bed rest. Pray that I'll get better soon ok. Thanks and don't forget to review!!!!!!!  
  
DENIAL  
  
HANAMICHI'S POV  
  
Today is a very special day (for me that is). I look up at the sky. The sun is shining brightly. No clouds could be seen, just like a year ago.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
I haven't gotten over my 50tth rejection that day and it was my first day at Shohoku High School. The Guntai was still laughing their heads out and rejoicing as if I just won 10,000,000 yen. I gave them each a head butt then I walked away still feeling miserable.  
  
I stop to look at the skies. 'Kirei', I thought just like Yoko-san. As I thought of that name again depression took over. " Gomen ne Sakuragi-kun but I like Oda of the basketball team" she said to me.  
  
Basketball. I despise that stupid game. It's just a child's game anyway but because of it I was rejected. Even the slight mention of that word made my blood boil. Suddenly I heard someone talking behind me.  
  
"Sugoi, you're so tall. I think you're the same height as Rukawa-kun. Do you play basketball?' a feminine voice said.  
  
Basketball. Who dared to speak that word in front of me? I swear whoever said that would pay. I turned around ready to head butt whoever was there. Then I saw a very beautiful girl in front of me smiling .  
  
At that exact moment I fell for her. I didn't know how but I did.  
  
"Hi there, oh by the way watashi wa Haruko. Namae wa?"  
  
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-na-mi-chi Sa-sa-sa-ku-ra-gi" Again she smiled.  
  
"Sakuragi-san yoroshiku, ne do you play basketball?"  
  
I didn't hesitate to answer that question. I said yes even without thinking.  
  
She brought me to the gymnasium and asked me if I know how to do a Slam Dunk. Even though I didn't want her to know that I don't she noticed it and gave me instructions how to do it.  
  
After that heavenly moment I bumped into three thugs bullying some freshmen. I didn't stop because I'm still preoccupied on what happened moments ago. Then that's when it happened. They made fun of my hair. I gave them each a head butt but still they won't stop. They got angry and challenge me for a fight on the rooftop at lunch break. No way was I going to back out. I'll make them regret they ever tried to insult me.  
  
At lunch break, the Guntai and I hurriedly went to the rooftop only to find out that the thugs were already beaten like hell. I scan the place to see the person responsible for that. That's when my eyes came in contact with the said person. His eyes were intimidating. No intimidating was an understatement-his eyes were addicting. I felt like drowning as our eyes once again meet. Honey- brown against his deep- blue ones. No one dared to look away for about two minutes (I assumed) but I forced myself to. I scanned his whole figure. He was as tall as me. With pale skin, raven hair, perfect face, broad shoulders and those very luscious lips. God he was, iie I meant he was a perfect replica of a God. I saw blood pouring down his forehead. I wanted to approach him but I felt scared. Then I asked him something I really would like to know.  
  
"Anata no? Did you do this all by yourself?" stupid question I thought. Isn't it obvious that he did? Besides he was the only one there when we arrived who else could have done all that damage?  
  
"Namae wa Rukawa, Rukawa Kaede".  
  
'Rukawa-sounds familiar-matte is he the one Haruko-san was referring to? The super rookie in basketball?'  
  
I don't know why but I charge and attacked him. My friends were shocked as my hands crashed with his beautiful face. His skin felt soft, so soft and so smooth. He stumbled down the floor and touched his face with those slender hands of his.  
  
He got up and gave me a death glare. If glares are deadly I could have been dead by now.  
  
"Yaro" he said to me.  
  
"Why the f*** did you do that!?"  
  
In my mind I was also wondering what happened. I guess I badly needed to touch his skin. But there was no way that I was going to tell him that.  
  
"You,you are the one who always ignore Haruko-san. How dare you" I said to him as I put on an angry expression. 'Stupid excuse' I told myself.  
  
"Do'aho, what the h*** are you talking about. And who the f*** is Haruko?" he said before he attacked me.  
  
The first hit was painful. But as he continued to hit me it became less painful. Ironically it felt great. I loved the feel of his skin against mine. As I was enjoying my so-called touches of love I felt something that I never felt something I never felt before. My heartbeat was thumping so fast. I will never regret it if I die at that exact moment. Suddenly the beating stopped. I looked up to see him since I was sprawled down on the floor. 'God please don't let this moment end' I silently pleaded. He stood up and straightened himself.  
  
"Anyone who disturbs my sleep, PAYS" I heard him say before he left.  
  
"Hanamichi!!!" the Guntai was now at my side  
  
"Daijobu?" Yohei my best friend asked  
  
"Gomen, Hanamichi we weren't able to help you but I'll guarantee he'll pay"  
  
"Noma"  
  
"Nani yo. I was just thinking of ways how to get back at that asshole"  
  
"Minna, daijobu. And about Rukawa let's just forget about it okay. It was my fault anyway. I was the first one to attacked remember though he didn't do anything. I'm sure what he did was just to defend himself"  
  
"Oi guys something is definitely wrong with him. I think that last punch did the trick. He's gone nuts. He's already admitting that it's his fault. Hyaku help me get Hanamichi to the nurse's office now" Yohei shouted to the Guntai  
  
"BAKA!!! I haven't gone nuts you imbeciles!!"  
  
"Is it so bad to admit my mistake. It was really my fault anyway so just give me a break will ya"  
  
I stood up and headed for the door but before leaving I gave them one last look and said "Arigatoo minna. Thanks for worrying. Sorry if I got angry. I'll just go the clinic for these wounds. See you later guys. Jane" then I left.  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
I started heading to school. I didn't want to be late anymore. This is my senior year and last year here at Shohoku High School and before I leave I wanted at least to have a nice record. These past years a lot of things changed. Ok where will I start, I know let's start from the team. The team is now stronger and is one of the most feared team in the whole country. We already got the championship for two straight years. Akagi, Kogure, Mitsui, Ryota and Ayako all went to the same university. They visit us maybe four times a month. Haruko-san is now our manager, Rukawa the captain and I as the vice-captain. Next is the Guntai. No more street fighting for them. And could you actually believe that they're graduating as one of the top students in the school and they each already have a girlfriend except for Takamiya for obvious reasons. Yohei is planning to get psychology. Noma is bioengineering; Ookhusu is getting politics and law while Takamiya is getting hotel and business management and plans to build a restaurant. Unbelievable isn't it? Then there is Rukawa. Rukawa is much more talkative now. He already exceeds two words when he's talking. His fan club is getting bigger and bigger. There is even a Rukawa boy's fan club now. Well besides that nothing much change about him. Oh wait I forgot the most important thing; he already has a boyfriend, Sendoh Akira. Yup, Sendoh the so-called hentai. They've been a couple now for about two years. In my opinion they're really meant for each other. And of course the biggest change of all is me. I am proud to say that I really did change. I'm not that idiotic bastard anymore. I've grown mature. And guess what? I'm graduating as the valedictorian this year. No more fights for me. No more childish acts and no more easy-go-lucky life. I was already invited to an exclusive university in Tokyo. They are willing to give me a scholarship as long as I graduate as the top. Yohei and the others are studying hard too so that we can enter that university together. All for one and one for all and we plan to stick together as long as we can. I am really lucky to have friends like them. Even though it didn't work with Rukawa, they made me feel that they're always there by my side. Yes, if you're wondering if I just say Rukawa, yes I did. I fell in love with that guy. He became the purpose of my life here. But I committed the biggest mistake in my life. I denied my feelings; I didn't want to accept that I actually fell for a guy and worse my archenemy.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
I didn't want to be rejected by the society if they knew what I really felt. 'I am straight' I repeated to myself over and over again. I thought I just got infatuated since I always notice him. I even went to the psychiatric clinic as I thought that I've already gone nuts. I tried to avoid him in anyway possible. I feel insecure whenever he's near me. Days went by then months, and then years but still I won't accept it.  
  
Then one day it happened. I heard rumors that Sendoh and Rukawa are going out. I didn't believe it of course but I felt my heart ache. Then when classes ended, I saw them together at the park. What happened next shocked me to my bones. Their lips met and they shared the most passionate kiss I had ever seen. I felt like my heart shattered into a million pieces. 'I should be happy for them' I told myself as I tried hard not to let the tears forming in my eyes flow. My vision got blurry each second that passes and before I knew it I was crying. As soon as I realized that the tears wouldn't stop flowing, I ran as fast as I could away from that place.  
  
I didn't know where I was heading. I just allowed my feet to take me wherever place it may be. I stopped and looked at my surroundings. I found out that I was at the beach. The water was so blue just like his eyes. Once again tears started to well up my eyes. But this time I didn't tried to hide it. I let flow freely down my face. I didn't care if anyone sees me. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. The tears won't stop. I feel my eyelids are getting heavy. Right now all I wanted is someone to hold me tight. Anybody please help me.  
  
I reached my house about 1:00 in the morning. Nobody was awake. I immediately headed to my room. I looked at myself at the mirror- 'God, is this really me? What happened?' My eyes were so red and my eye bugs were bulging. My hair was a mess and my clothes were so dirty. "I should really take a shower. I'm a mess," I said. I took off my clothes and started to wash my face. I closed my eyes and again the exact same picture of Rukawa and Sendoh kissing came into my mind. Again I wanted to cry but I guess my tears had gone dry. Once again I looked up and decided to change once and for all.  
  
I didn't go to school the day after. I wanted to rest. 'Tomorrow they'll all be surprised', I told myself as I drifted off to sleep.  
  
Next day I woke up early. I wanted to have a fresh start. First step is to discipline myself of course and I should change my clothing style. I wore my latest uniform, just combed my hair (A/N: he usually applies gel), shined my shoes and sprayed some perfume.  
  
I walked the same routine I take every morning. I passed the park then there I saw him still practicing basketball. His every move was so graceful just like dancing. Without any effort every basket went in perfectly. Next thing I knew his gaze was locked into mine.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
"What are you looking at do'aho?" he said to me  
  
"Ohayoo" I replied and that's when our quick conversation started.  
  
"Nani? Are you trying to make fun of me?"  
  
"Iie I just wanted to greet you that's all and I just figured out something very surprising"  
  
"And what the h*** is that?  
  
"That you are actually capable of talking in sentences that has more than two words in it. Impressive"  
  
"Do'aho. Whatever. If you want to bother someone go do it somewhere else"  
  
"Sou, okay. Oh yeah before I leave I want to tell you that I'm really sorry. It was not my intention to disturb you"  
  
" "  
  
"Well I guess I should be going now. Ja ne"  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
The day went by as I thought. Everyone was speechless when they saw me. They kept asking if I'm sick or something. A few teachers even fainted when they saw me listening attentively to the lesson and actually participating in activities. Their expressions were priceless. But deep inside I felt that life had turned around. It's nice being serious and all but it definitely made life boring. From that day forward everything in my life changed.  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
(A/N: Sorry for the confusion. This whole part is supposed to be a flashback but I kinda messed up things. It's just that I made it into narrative form. This is the part where Hana recalls the scenario he saw when he was still a freshman. If you still have questions just review or mail me and I'll be glad to answer your questions. Sorry again besides I'm only human-pouts cutely)  
  
Present-Still Hanamichi's POV  
  
So here I am today. The beginning of my last week here in Shohoku. The school is busy for the preparation of the graduation. Everybody loitered everywhere, the graduating batch I mean. Finally after three long years I'm finally going out of this school. But to be honest I still don't want to go. I'll miss Shohoku, everything in it and everyone. These three years at Shohoku are the best years of my life. Before I entered here I had no direction in life but now I have a bright future ahead of me. This is where I learned a lot of things especially my sexuality. Then once again I thought of him. Speaking of him, here he comes now together with his lover, Sendoh. They were walking like newly weds. Sendoh was clinging to the hands of Rukawa and Rukawa he...he. he was smiling. I felt a pang of pain and jealousy coarse through my body. I tried to walk away but to no avail so instead I closed my eyes. They didn't notice me I guess since nobody was there when I decided to open my eyes.  
  
I had this urge to go to the rooftop. Once I arrived there I was thankful nobody was there. This is where it all started. On this very rooftop three years ago. What if I introduced myself nicely to him back then would it be different? Would I be the person now standing close to him? I don't know, I feel pathetic. All this time I thought I had gotten over him but the truth is I still love him. I really do and at least I would like him to know how I really feel before I leave.  
  
Monday  
  
I plan to invite him tonight to meet me alone. Tomorrow is our graduation and the last day that I'll see him. Before I enter university I want to take the burden off my chest and prove to myself that I can go on without him.  
  
Rukawa-san,  
I know you'll be shocked having been written a note by your archrival. Tomorrow is our graduation day and I'm sure you're fully aware of that. I was just wondering if you could meet me tonight alone at the beach about 9:00. I would like to settle our differences and have a truce. I would like it so much if I graduate without any enemies and I'm sure you do to. Thank you very much and I'll be waiting.  
  
Sincerely Yours,  
Sakuragi Hanamichi  
  
I waited. It's 10:00 right now. I guess his not coming. Silly me to even dream. Who am I anyway? I guess I should be going now. It's getting late anyways and I still have to go over my speech.  
  
I heard somebody moving behind me. I looked and saw him standing there. A hand inside his pocket, his earphones, for his Discman is still in his ears and his bike is lying beside him. I was so glad. He actually came. It doesn't matter if his late or I almost got sick waiting for him; what's important is that he came. I stood there without saying anything, waiting for him to talk.  
  
"Do'aho, if you're going to stand there and you're just fooling around I'll go," he finally uttered.  
  
"Gomen. Gomen. I was just surprised that you came"  
  
"You asked me to come didn't you?"  
  
"Yeah I guess so"  
  
"So what do you want to say? I don't have time for jokes so it better be important"  
  
"I know that and I'm sorry if I disturbed you, I just want to make truce with you but the truth is that's not the true reason why I invited you tonight"  
  
He stayed silent.  
  
"I'm going to Tokyo the day after tomorrow and at least before I go I would like you to know that I really like you-no-I love you from the bottom of my heart since the first time I met you. Don't get me wrong ok, I'm not asking you to be my lover or anything; I just wanted to ease the pain. The pain I've carried too much for too long at least now I can let it go and start anew."  
  
I let my emotions flow out and take over. I walked closer to him and pulled him for a tight hug. He just stood still but I didn't care. This is enough. I felt tears running down my cheeks and felt his arms wrap around me. I pushed him back. NO. He is happy with his life now; I don't want to be more trouble than I already am. I don't need him. I don't want him and I don't love him anymore. Please stop. Somebody please help me. But I know even though how much I denied it I still do love him. I loved him then, I love him now and I'll love him forever. The tears just won't stop. I flashed him the sweetest smile I could ever muster.  
  
"Be happy" I told him  
  
He was looking back at me now with an unreadable expression on his face. I wanted so much to be near him again so I walked closer to him and kissed him with all my feelings. I broke the kiss and leaned my head to him my eyes closed. "AISHITERU" I said to him. I opened my eyes and uttered maybe the last phrase I'll ever say to him. "SAYONARA SOSHITE ARIGATOO". I ran away once again. I heard him shout my name. I didn't look back nor did I stop. This is the right thing to do-the right thing to do. I stumbled to the ground crying because I know in my heart this is the opposite what I feel. SAYONARA Rukawa Kaede. SAYONARA the love of my life.  
  
Authors Note: It's finish at last. So what do you think? Tell me pls. pls. pls. Would you like a sequel to this? Well that's depending on the reviews I get. Sorry if Hana is too OOC here. Well that's all I can say I'll be waiting for your reviews @@@@@@@@@@ 


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